Some people are ridiculous

My dad sent me this in an email. It's great!

A TRIP TO Costco
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

My Art Symposium final poem...and a few more bumper stickers :)

Art Symposium Poem

At Utah State I took this class

in which the arts you need to see to pass.

To Kill a Mockingbird was the first,

however, it was not the worst.

Tap Dogs was the next to shine,

now they are a favorite of mine.

The King’s Singers sang so well,

I think that they are really swell.

Millie was the final show,

a refund to me they did not owe.

I chose to go to a few more things,

a couple singers and a dancing team.

Brad and Dierks I enjoyed so greatly,

the kind of show you don’t see a lot lately.

Thriller was my favorite one,

in my eyes the Jasons won.

I learned a lot in these short weeks,

the arts are full of talent and technique.

Singers, dancers, actors and more,

they all come through that backstage door.

To entertain and perform,

and the hearts of many become transformed.

Song after song, act after act,

people from all over they do attract.

I love the arts and all it includes,

it always puts me in a good mood.

This class was great, I do proclaim

for as of now I won’t ever be the same.

I've got the perfect body. But its in the trunk and beginning to smell.

Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. (Don't know how respectful this one is now that Ted Kennedy has passed away).

Asphalt Rocks!

BEST THING EVER!

Try this! Put you iPod headphones into your nostrils then turn up your music really loud! You can hear the music coming out of your mouth!!!!!

Whoever said ignorance is bliss...LIED!

You don't have to read this post. I just needed to get something off my chest. Proceed if you want but it is just me venting about someone and something that offended me today.

Okay, so I don't mean to make this post sound all preachy but something happened today about 2 hours ago and I just need to clear things up a bit. I am kind of having a bad day...well more like bad week. Anyway I was sitting in my sociology class today and we are learning about religion. My teacher had some vocabulary words up on the screen that we were copying down and one of the words was Polytheism. The definition of polytheism if you don't know is having more than one god. My teacher went on to explain that most religions today are monotheistic--only have one god however there are some that still have more than one. The example of this he gave was the Catholic church having the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. This made me so angry! I wanted so bad to set him straight but in a class of 250 it would have been a little awkward.

So for all of those who don't understand this Catholic concept I will explain so you don't end up in my teachers situation. First of all the Catholic church has never and will never believe in more than one god. Yes there is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit however these are not three separate entities. It is called the trinity--one God but three persons. The best way to explain this is how I was taught when I was little. Think of an apple. There is the skin, the flesh, and the core. Three parts but one apple. So there is only one God but three persons--not three gods. Its a hard concept to comprehend but I just wish that my teacher would have done a little more research before he opened his mouth.

Honk if you love Jesus

I love reading bumper stickers. I love when you get a really funny one that makes you laugh out loud. Here are a couple that made me smile...

My dad would love this one

I took 3 years of French in Jr. High and was so bummed that I couldn't take a french class my last semester of school. I absolutely fell in love with the language and I thought this bumper sticker was really cute. I felt like ripping it off the car. As I was taking this picture, a guy waiting for the elevator in the parking garage kept staring at me. I hope it wasn't his car!

More bumper stickers to come!

My very UN-happy happening

Ok I need to vent a little. This week has been a complete nightmare and it is only Wednesday. This semester I am a PR Rep for the Student Health and Wellness Center on campus. We wanted to do a "week" called Student Health Week to raise awareness of the wellness center. This is Student Health Week. We planned seminars, H1N1 flu shots, free t-shirts and pizza...the whole 9 yards.

So yesterday was our first "Did you know...?" seminar. We had an employee from the wellness center come and talk about the services offered and also had a doctor from the Bear River Health Department come and talk a little bit about the Swine Flu. So the doctor was speaking and announced to the audience that there will be no more flu shots being delivered to the university for at least 2 more weeks! Holy Crap! What are we going to do?!

Ok we advertised like CRAZY! We went dorm storming, made posters for campus, fliers we handed out with string cheese to hundreds of people, a banner for the TSC, we put it on the events calendar online so it ended up on the USU homepage, we made an announcement on aggiemail's homepage, as well as a front page article above the fold of the student newspaper on monday. We also had radio interviews scheduled and a facebook group as well as twitter involved.


So with all of this advertising, we were totally freaking out! We have told all these people that there are going to be free H1N1 flue shots for students and then all of the sudden about 22 hours before they are supposed to start vaccinating, we find out there are none to be found.



Yesterday is when the emails and phone calls started rolling in that I have been doing my best to try to explain what happened but it has not been easy. This morning alone I get about 6 phone calls and 3 emails about the flu shots just from seeing it on the events calendar. Karlie made a poster explaining the best she can and our Facebook event attenders were notified. I also just emailed the events calendar guy for the third time (he has had to fix my mistakes for these events last week so he is probably so sick of me) but well see if he can take the events off.

Hopefully things get better tomorrow. I just want this week to be over!

World record breaker...not really

Wow! Ok It has been so long since I have posted anything. I have been so busy lately but I have a few minutes so I'm going to cram all that I have stored up in one post. Here I go!

Yesterday I was cleaning my room and walked out of my apartment to throw away my garbage. On my way to the dumpster I see this truck covered in leaves. The bed was full of leaves as well and a banana chair is in the back on top of it all. It looks to me like a prank. It actually made me laugh.

Last Friday, my old roommate Katie was coming up in the late afternoon. I got kind of bored and went to Whitney's apartment and we decided to head over to Spoon Me. We sat down and I see this guy pushing a Shopko basket with a little baby in it in front of the window. A few seconds later he walked by the window going the other direction. He did this about 4 times before he finally stopped right here. He had no bags in the basket and looked really lost so I don't know what his deal was. Then Whitney realized that he was with a middle-aged woman and a girl that looked about 19 which I am guess was his wife a daughter who were in Spoon Me. So yes I wasn't being very sneaky and didn't survey my surroundings before snapping a picture so they probably saw me taking one of this man but whatever. They left and the guy picked the little baby out of the basket and they all walked to their car. It was very strange.

Love this!

So this is my 2010 Calendar. I was having some trouble finding a new one for next year. I went to Barnes and Noble a couple weekends ago and my mom found this one. I could not pass it up. It is called Porn for Women! It is hilarious. Each month has a cheesy picture with a guy like this and a little saying. The phrases basically consist of things you would never hear come from a man's mouth. "You get more beautiful everytime I look at you," "I was wrong," but my personal favorite is "I have to work twice as hard as a woman just to get equal recognition."

I can't wait for January.

Whitney and I went to Sweeney Todd in October. It was completely sold out but one very nice samaritan gave us two extra tickets she had. So this was our view from the stage. We did end up moving over a couple of seats once the show started cause some people didn't show up.

I really liked the musical. It was kind of morbid and creepy but the actors all did very well and I had a really good time. You know me, I'm such a theater geek so any chance I get to see a new show, I go.

Before Sweeny Todd we went to Shopko and were looking for a hot glue gun. Didn't find one but it was a few days before Halloween and we saw that they had costumes for like 60% off. It didn't take long for me to see why.

This is Officer Midnight. My brother went to a Halloween party at the last minute and decided to go as a cop. I showed him this picture--he wasn't amused, but I was!

Heidi Ho...

And a banana....The worst part of this one is the placement of the bottom of the banana. It looks kind of like a man sling if you get my drift. And it says "One size fits all" down at the bottom. 'Nough said!

God Bless America!

The most random thing happened to me today. I was walking out of the library, trying to hurry to get to my PR Agency meeting with our client, and I pass this boy dressed in uniform. I didn't get a really good look at him but I am pretty sure he was wearing Air force Blues. Anyway, I look up to see him saluting me! I thought maybe he saw somebody behind me and the salute was meant for them but there was nobody there. I actually got saluted by a total stranger. Even weirder...its not the first time this has ever happened.

I love college life. So many random things happen all the time!

Let it Snow!

I LOVE snow! Since today was the first snowfall of the year, I felt it was only right to take a little time out of my extremely busy schedule today and blog about it. First of all, I love the smell of snow. I love the crisp, cold scent I smell when I walk outside after a snow storm. I will admit I thought it was a little early for snow but I walked out of my apartment this morning and I couldn't help but smile as soon as I smelled the snow.

After I got up on campus, a guy on a bike passed by me and was whistling "Winter Wonderland." That totally made my day. I just love this season! Coming inside when its cold and snowy, making hot chocolate and sitting by the fire. I'm so excited for Christmas. This year Christmas Break is an entire month! Its going to be great!

It's What Fun Is!

On Saturday I went to Lagoon with Whitney. It was too expensive to go during the summer so we decided to wait until Frightmares when it is cheaper. I hadn't been in about 6 years so I was really excited. I'm pretty bruised and banged up (I even lost my voice) but it was such a great day!


I will first tell you about these swans. They were HUMONGOUS! Seriously, like 3 feet long. We saw them when we were getting off the swings and had to stop to take a picture. Its hard to tell the scale of these things but trust me, they were big!




Whitney and I were in line for the Spider. As we walked up the stairs in the building you have to walk through to get there, we saw this sign. To quote Whitney..."No sh*t." Haha, I guess its to inform those imbeciles who don't know that sitting on a fence with spikes at the top would hurt.

Here is another sign. This one is for the Sky Ride. I actually wouldn't have seen this if Whitney didn't point it out. If you spit or throw stuff when you are on the Sky Ride, you will have to pay a $299 dollar fine. You know how retailers will set prices either 1 dollar or 1 cent cheaper than the dollar to make it seem like you are paying less, maybe thats what they are doing. I don't know we just thought a $299 fine was a little odd.

I love the little headstones that they have all over the park during Frightmares. This one was my favorite. I hope you can see it. It is a little dark but it made me laugh.

This is my favorite picture. There were all of these crazy, distorted pictures on the outside of the kiddie haunted house. I thought this one was so cute. Meet Kaleb!

It's been one week since you looked at me...

Last week was pretty good. My mom bought me my favorite popcorn in the entire world! It is Carmel Apple popcorn from the Popcorn Factory. If you haven't tried it highly recommend it. It really is Heaven! So delicious. It tastes exactly like carmel apples which is one of my favorite fall time treats. I hardly ever get to eat them tho because they take more effort than I am usually willing to expel :D




Then I was sitting in the Library waiting for my Promo Management class to begin. It's in the dark hallway that says "quiet study area" that you only go down if you want absolute silence...it actually kind of freaks me out. Anyway, I'm sitting at one of the stations and I look behind me at this guy watching videos on youtube. He was watching a video entitled "How to Fake it at Christmas"... I could hardly contain myself. Cover up man!

I have been waiting all year for this!

Every year I get a silly calendar so everyday when I wake up and look at it, I laugh a little. Last year I had a "Boyfriend of the Month" calendar. Every month there was a new boy and it listed all of their turn-ons, turn-offs, hobbies, occupations, etc along with an amazingly over-posed picture showing off their incredible physiques. This year however I went the country route and picked "Studs in Spurs". Some of these "studs" are a little questionable, definately not believeable as cowboys but that is really beside the point. However I have been waiting 10 long months to turn the page and see this particular stud. Meet Mr. October!

Enjoy!

Is it a car or a truck?

So this picture is kind of crappy but I tried my best. I happen to think that the El Camino is the UGLIEST car ever made! I cannot believe that people actually think they look good. But I never thought they could get any uglier until I saw this...

An El Camino with a shell... really? It looks so ridiculous! I'm still laughing at it. The old man driving kept pulling forward at the red light we were stopped at while I was trying to take the picture. He knew he was going to end up on my blog!

Up next!

Ok so I know I have been totally slacking on my blog posting but my life has been totally consumed by homework! But I have a few minutes so I will tell you all the things that are coming up. First, in about 1 hour (maybe less) I am going with Whitney to the Beehive Grill for triple nickel wings! Its going to be epic! Then tonight I am going to a Art Symposium performance of Tap Dogs! I am really excited--it should be fantastic.



This weekend I don't have any homework to worry about so I plan on watching movies and totally vegging out. I never get to do that anymore. However this Sunday is kind of a big day for my family. It is my brother Chris' 25th birthday and my parent's 29th anniversary. I don't know what, if any, plans have been made for that day but I unfortunately won't be there.



Next week is going to be great because its a short week! Every year they shut down the University for Fall break. It started my freshman year and is the 3rd friday of October. Its only one day but I am really looking forward to it.

Then my brother TJ who is over in Afgahnistan is coming home over fall break as well. As much as he drives me crazy it will be nice to have him home safe. Plus the weekend after that we are having a welcome home BBQ for him and I get to see my family. I don't really get to see them that often so it will be fun.

Best night of my life!

Dierks Bentley

Jimmy Wayne

Brad Paisley

Brad Paisley and Andy Griffith

Last Night was the greatest night of my entire life! I went to the Brad Paisley concert with my friend Katie. It was my birthday present this year even though my birthday isn't for another 3 months haha. Anyway, the concert was amazing! Those 3 boys really know how to put on a good show. Jimmy Wayne was the first performer to come out. I know his "So do you Believe Me Now" song but haven't heard many of his others but I am for sure a HUGE fan now. He was amazing! Such a great stage presence and an incredible voice!

Dierks Bentley performed after Jimmy. I was really looking forward to his performance and he didn't disappoint...(haha that sounds really dirty) He really played up to the audience a lot, stealing their beers and letting them sing in his microphone. If only I was a little closer! Anyway, my new favorite song that Dierks sang was called "My Last Name" which he dedicated to the troops overseas. My brother is in Afghanistan right now so I thought it was really great that he was thinking of all of them over there.

After Dierks came the one and only Brad Paisley! There are no words to describe what he did on that stage but if I had to choose one... ASTOUNDING! My goodness that man can sing! I am still flying high and the concert was 2 days ago! Oh man I wish the night could have gone on forever! And to make the night even better, it started raining and lightning shortly after Brad started performing. I LOVE the rain and lightning so I was ecstatic! The lightning was big, snaking blots and was striking all around the amphitheater! It was the most perfect addition to the most fabulous night ever! I don't know if anything will top Saturday night

Truck outside the Brad Pailsey concert

Thought it was funny

"This is how you holster the Volcan sign!" (my new favorite quote)

I put up a post about Maize Days but I really wanted to talk about the Voice Male concert. It was such a great concert. They said they hadn't seen each other in about 4 months so they were in the weirdest mood. They were constantly cracking jokes and I swear I almost peed my pants. This was the best night ever!

Whitney this one's for you!

Ikea is one of my favorite places to go. I always have to go through the entire thing both upstairs and down, looking and touching everything on the way. My mom and I went last weekend cause she is looking for a rug to put in our dining area under our table (didn't find one). Anyway, my favorite part of the store is on the bottom floor where all the art is. I looked up and saw this one. It was so cool in black and white but the Effiel Tower in the distance illuminated. BEAUTIFUL!

"Maisy Days"

I went to Maize Days last weekend at Layton Commons Park. It was hosted by the Davis Arts Council where I had my internship last summer. So I was instructed to bring my camera with me to take a picture of a piece of artwork that I would just love and here it is...

Nice job ladies! :D

Hairy legs are your only link to reality...

I was walking across campus the other day and I saw this bicycle. I just had to take a picture. It is probably the cutest bicycle I have ever seen! So here it is...

Sorry the picture isn't the best but it has a real leather seat embossed with a cute floral pattern, a leather woven basket and was bright yellow.

When I got home that day my roommate was watching the movie Return to Me and told me I had to watch it if I had never seen it before. It sounded like a better idea than actually doing something productive like homework so I sat down and watched it with her. In the movie Minnie Driver rides around town on a bicycle exactly like the one I saw on campus. I couldn't find a picture of that one so I can't show you if you haven't seen it but in that case you should rent the movie and watch it. It was a good one!

hmm......

I have been meaning to get this one up for a while. I'm just going to let it speak for itself.

Move in day...

Ok so I moved in to my new apartment on Saturday. Let me tell you, it is awesome! Its my last year and I finally feel like I am not living in college housing. I couldn't have asked for better.

Anyway the point of this post is this. The dresser provided in my room wasn't exactly what I considered enough room so my mom decided to go down to Walmart and pick one up. I wanted to go to the new Walmart in Providence but my dad was driving and didn't hear that was the one we decided on so we ended up going to the older one on the other side of town. Good thing we did otherwise I would have missed this amazing event.

We were stopped at a light and I hear my friend Whitney, who was helping me move in (thanks again), say "Severe Taxidermy..." Two words that aren't usually used together. I look over and I see this sign.

Don't exactly know what severe taxidermy is but it does not sound pleasant. But hey if you have a need for Severe Taxidermy I'm glad they are around.

So we get to Walmart and I find a dresser. We throw it in the basket and go looking for some shelves. We find the shelves and my mom kinda looks at the dresser box weird. That catches my attention so I look at it and here is what we saw...

If you know my mom she always says "That takes some cajones" or something to that effect especially when she is talking about our obnoxious cat. He has a lot of "balls" if you will when he jumps on the counter right in front of her.

So anyway I did look it up and cajones does mean drawers in Spanish (I took French). But still it is funny.

Everything's better with bacon!

So one of the girls I work with, Heather heard a couple of DJs on a radio that were talking about trying bacon on a maple bar donut. She mentioned that to me and we decided we had to try it. So last week I stopped by Krispie Kreme on my way to work and bought the donuts. They didn't have maple bars so we had to settle for maple rings.... the girl at the counter was really interesting. Anyway, I brought some bacon from home and cooked it up when I got there. We put it on the donuts and took a bite.....

I was AMAZING! Oh my goodness, seriously one of the greatest ideas I've ever heard of. Its was just like having pancakes, syrup and bacon all in a neat little package. I highly recommend this to everyone. It was so good with the salty and sweet flavors, and the crunchy bacon with the soft donut. I really do believe that donut shops should sell maple bars with bacon on them in the stores...just already made. That would be great!

Try it!

Who are you? Who Who--Who Who

If you have met me, you should know that i LOVE the show CSI. All 3 of them! I just can't get enough.

So I'm at work today and this footprint on the floor was pointed out to me. A picture never does anything justice but trust me, it's a lot more pronounced in person.

The sad part is, I have been here for like 4 months now and I have never noticed it. Now on my last week of work it is mentioned to me. Its kind of distgusting but I couldn't resist taking a picture. Then we decided to make a little CSI marker to put next to it. It was just too funny to not follow through with that. So that is now how the foot print is sitting. With a crime scene marker next to it. Gill, Horatio and Mac would be proud!

On to the next!--Silence! I Keel You!

So I have been kind of slacking on my posting. I have lots of things to put on but I just haven't gotten around to them yet. So I am combining a few posts into one while I have a few minutes at work.

So this little guy is kind of an inside joke at work. But basically it is supposed to look like Achmed the dead terrorist from the Jeff Dunham video. Don't critsize my art work here. There is only so much magic you can acheive with a ball of aluminum foil, a couple sharpie markers and a tissue. He got kind of bent and the picture doesn't do him justice but I still love it!

So after a full day of working on Achmed (just kidding...he only took about 10 minutes lol) I was driving home and was stopped at a red light. I looked up and the truck in front of me had a TAPS sticker on the upper left hand corner of the back window. Some of you who know me know that Ghost Hunters is one of my favorite shows ever! Me and my mom watch it every single week. Everyone else in our house doesn't find the joy in the show as easily as we do. Anyway TAPS (The Altantic Paranormal Society) is the name of the group of people that investigate the place people claim to be haunted.

This sticker totally made my day. I LOVE IT!

jeff fa fa---dun HAM--dot com!

I absolutely LOVE Jeff Dunham. He is so talented and hilarious! I lent my movies to my co-workers last weekend and so we have been talking about it all day. Anyway, Dawn--who I work with--came across this website and I just had to post it. I just can't even imagine! Check it out!

http://www.jeffdunham.com/peanutdeliversyourbaby/

Do we need to stop for water anytime soon...?

So for those of you who don't know, this summer I am working at the Davis Arts Council. They have a bunch of concerts at the Amphitheater in Layton park throughout the summer season. I mostly do Marketing and PR work for them but sometimes I go to the concerts to help out.

So I was sitting at the ticket table and a man came over with his dog to ask us what was happening. After we explained and he left I glanced over to my right and saw this man giving his dog a drink from the drinking fountain! It was so funny I couldn't resist taking a picture. So here it is. You can't really tell what is going on but I tried my best! :)


So If the dog wasn't funny enough, I was at another concert helping out and I glanced over to my right again and saw this man. Ok, to explain for those who haven't seen him, he rides all around the city on his bike with his bird on his shoulder. Yes an actual bird! Its so funny to see him riding around like a pirate on a bike! Anyway, so I looked over to my right and I saw him standing there talking to another guy. A couple minutes later, Heather, a girl I work with got my started saying "Kym! Kym! Take a picture!" I looked over and the man was letting his bird drink out of the fountain!

The other week I went for a walk around my neighborhood with my mom. Since it is a fairly new neighborhood, a lot of people are still landscaping their yards. So we were walking down the street and came across this semi truck with a huge load of sod. Draped on top was this banner. I couldn't resist taking a picture! Love it!