Friday, December 11, 2009

Some people are ridiculous

My dad sent me this in an email. It's great!

A TRIP TO Costco
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

My Art Symposium final poem...and a few more bumper stickers :)

Art Symposium Poem
At Utah State I took this class
in which the arts you need to see to pass.
To Kill a Mockingbird was the first,
however, it was not the worst.
Tap Dogs was the next to shine,
now they are a favorite of mine.
The King’s Singers sang so well,
I think that they are really swell.
Millie was the final show,
a refund to me they did not owe.
I chose to go to a few more things,
a couple singers and a dancing team.
Brad and Dierks I enjoyed so greatly,
the kind of show you don’t see a lot lately.
Thriller was my favorite one,
in my eyes the Jasons won.
I learned a lot in these short weeks,
the arts are full of talent and technique.
Singers, dancers, actors and more,
they all come through that backstage door.
To entertain and perform,
and the hearts of many become transformed.
Song after song, act after act,
people from all over they do attract.
I love the arts and all it includes,
it always puts me in a good mood.
This class was great, I do proclaim
for as of now I won’t ever be the same.

I've got the perfect body. But its in the trunk and beginning to smell.

Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. (Don't know how respectful this one is now that Ted Kennedy has passed away).

Asphalt Rocks!